Top Ten Future Husbands

As I grow older I realize that there is no magical Disney prince out there waiting to rescue me, especially from this Chemistry homework I don't understand. So, as is natural at this point in my life, I'm considering polygamy as a feasible option for my marital future. Of course, it would be polyandrous, meaning that I would amass a truly amazing entourage of men. On that note, here is a quick list of the top ten males that I will pursue:

10. Anderson Cooper

Silver fox to the max and with a totally bad-ass first name, Anderson makes my #10 spot on this future husbands list. He's calm and collected, a talented news reporter, writer, and (apparently) narrator of Broadway shows. Unfortunately, he may bat for the other team...

9. William Wallace from Braveheart

Braveheart is the best movie ever invented, and Wallace's bravery, loyalty, wit, and charm help him win this spot on the countdown. Not to mention the accent is a plus.

8. Seth Rogen

After the movie Paul, Seth solidified his spot on this list. Despite that he only voiced his role in the film, his deep laugh and unending stream of raunchy jokes totally won me over. He absolutely pulls of the nerdy look too. I mean, just look at him. He's adorable.

7. Johnny Clegg

Johnny's been my boy for, oh say, about 18 years now. I've been to two of his concerts and his energy on stage is captivating. His involvement in standing up against apartheid in South Africa is legendary, his songs are timeless, and he has the best British accent. The only thing keeping him from the top of the list is the fact there's a 40 year age difference.

6. Gerard Butler

Gerard is just a super attractive guy. He works the unshaven face look. He first won me over in P.S. I Love You, then again, surprisingly, in The Ugly Truth. Great singing voice as noted in the film Phantom of the Opera. Intelligent enough to be a lawyer. Accent, check! 

5. Ryan Bingham

Keeping true to my roots, I have to have a cowboy on the list, and although Ryan is a relatively new find for me, he's been nothing short of amazing. With a voice that's seen its share of hard times, this Texan sings with true soul. His tracks from the film Crazy Heart add a huge amount of integrity to the movie. He will probably continue making his way up the list.

4. Andy Samberg

Andy is the biggest goober I've ever seen. I've been a fan of his SNL digital shorts and Lonely Island work since before "Dick in a Box". He's a brilliant comedian and has a "fine, workable" singing voice. He seems like a really resilient person who can take downfalls and turn them to his advantage. Thanks to Andy, whenever I hear someone say "Step one..." I immediately think "cut a hole in the box!"

3. Daniel Craig

Gaahh!Brilliant blue eyes, great accent, and he's the best 007 I've ever seen. (True, he is the only James Bond I've ever known, but honestly I don't think anyone, especially Sean Connery could top him.) Brave, stable, and super manly, what more do you want?

2. Will Ferrell

I've been planning to marry Will for quite a while now. He's so hilarious. Sure he might play the same idiotic-type character over and over again, but he plays them with such mastery his skill can't be ignored. With roots at SNL he's got double the points for his comic chops.

1. I used to have Chris Hemsworth in this position. As time goes on, I realize that the only reason I had that was because I didn't really know who to say was my #1. Looking through the other men on the list, I think it would have to be some combination of all the qualities I listed, if that exists.

But here are a couple pictures of Hemsworth, just because that never hurts…

Roommate challenged me to make a post with only 200 words...

Despite today’s onslaught of precipitation, I had to pass out flyers downtown for a Pre-Vet club fundraiser-event called “Pass the Pig”.

Adventure-time started at about 3:15 p.m., as my splendiferous roommate and I put on our sexy-safe helmets, and biked into the drenched metropolis that is downtown Corvallis. 

Stopping at my assigned businesses, most people were enthusiastic at the prospect of seeing a real-life piglet. There were a few oddities though.



1. Lady at stationary store. Told us a story about her aspiring veterinarian granddaughter as we were trying to leave. Felt obligated to listen. Ended up that, in the hypothetical math-related situation she placed her 10-year-old granddaughter in, the cow was killed.

2. Guy at film store. Gave us a painfully long blank stare as if he’d never heard English before.

3. Guy at jewelry store. Didn’t stand up to greet us. Wore his jewelin’ monocle throughout the overly one-sided conversation. Mumbled creepily for his exceedingly small part of the dialogue. Kept mumbling as we slowly inched out of the dark, dingy store.

Back in the dorm, we changed into dry clothes, ate bagels, and listened to Dane Cook. 

Which was much better. 

An Ode to the Oregon Rain

An Ode to the Oregon Rain

I couldn’t help but smile today.

Even though it’s been pouring, non-stop, since last night. 

Hazy gray skies magically make puddles appear,

On even the most level looking ground.

Trees sardonically ambush unsuspecting passerby’s with fat raindrops,

While the charcoal-dappled clouds endlessly mock those who long for sun.

Some spring flowers struggle under the never-ending bombardment of water droplets,

It's so obvious to spot the ones that are transplants, 

Just like with the human population.

I smile,

For, while other girls wear fancy colorful rain boots,

The ones that have pathetic seams with sneaky invisible leaks in them,

I have my steel-toed black farm boots,

And I'll tell you, water has no chance of getting into those puppies.

I’m invincible as I splash child-like through lakes on the sidewalk.

Stomping extra just to watch the water splash, I feel only slightly silly.

I remember: I’m an Oregonian to my very core (not some feeble SoCal floozy).

Joyfully, mark this one down as another “cats and dogs” day,

In the waterlogged story of my life.

Joyfully, because there is a whisper that treads across my mind on days like these:

All these suckers are going home for summer.

That’s what 18 years of frigid winters and showery springs will do to you.

They’ll make you smile because it’s raining.